Do you find yourself drifting from one relationship to the next? Are you still trying to figure out who you are when you’re in a relationship? Have you heard the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech one too many times? At some point, you’re probably catching on that, hey, maybe it IS you, after all. Don’t worry. Relationships are complicated. People aren’t born knowing how to be in a romantic relationship. If no one explains it to you, how are you supposed to know how it’s done? Well, here are four pieces of solid gold relationship advice for you, an imperfect human.
A classic mistake that people make when they enter a new relationship is to stop doing what they were doing before the relationship. People fall head over heels and drop everything just to spend time with the other person. They stop going to the gym, stop painting pictures alone at home at night, and stop going for lunchtime walks with coworkers.
A lot of this is to be expected. After all, there are only so many hours in the day, and you can’t do everything, right? But you can’t stop doing all those things because then you end up giving up too much of yourself. You become less interesting to the other person because, well, because you’re always there. If you don’t spend time away, you have no new stories to tell, and nothing new in your life beyond the relationship.
It’s natural to want to be close to your lover, but endless questions bordering on interrogation is never attractive. They came to you of their own accord, and the only way they will stay in your life is of their own accord. You can’t force someone else to give up all their outside activities and spend all their time with you, 24/7. That doesn’t make for a healthy relationship. It makes for someone who will run the first chance they get.
Yes, looks matter. They shouldn’t, but they do. That’s not to say you aren’t allowed to look like yourself. You don’t have to plump your lips or get Botox. But you do have to shampoo your hair and wash your jeans. That means you, guys. If you don’t take care of your appearance, why should your partner respect you or care for you?
It’s a shame to even have to say this, because it should be obvious. But some people think that verbal or emotional abuse is okay in a relationship. They mistakenly think that because they supposedly love this person they can treat them anyway they want, and talk down to them. The rule of thumb to abide by is to treat your lover like you would an important family friend or a guest in your home.
These four tenets of a good relationship will help you to form healthy, solid bonds that will sustain you throughout your life. The first one, about continuing on doing what you do, is the most important. Because even if your next relationship doesn’t work out, you’ll still be you. You’ll still have your friends and your activities to give you joy, no matter what.
Sometimes you need a cool down period to think about and digest a situation. Letting things get the best of you and saying stuff you will regret later is much worse than taking a night to think it over. Get something to eat, some rest, and the issue will likely be a little more manageable in the morning.
So you are upset and your partner sent you a text. It take a lot of restraint not to respond and get caught in a texting battle of words. Instead, write out what you want to send, but don’t click that little button. It helps you put your thoughts and feelings down, helping you identify why you have the emotions. Wait until you are in person to share them. Body language counts for 70% of communication and you will likely be received a little better, seem like the bigger person, and come to a resolution faster.
Still feeling baffled by your partner and want them to understand you a little better as well. Well, perhaps you have been speaking two different languages of love. Check your results and see if the way you have been adorning your significant other has been the way they love to get your love.